Updated: May 11
Over the years the topic Boundaries have become an increasingly common topic in counselling sessions. But what are boundaries? How do you create them, maintain them and recover when they are crossed? Boundaries are in fact, very personal and each person can discover their own style.
Boundaries can come in many forms. Boundaries we have within ourselves in our personal relationship with ourselves. External boundaries, boundaries we have with others. Verbal boundaries - words we can use and non verbal boundaries - body language, gestures and tone.
Boundaries can be created, maintained and recovered with grace and dignity for yourself and the person you are engaging with. They do not need to be overly complex, they can be combined with the positive attributes of your personality such as with humor, kindness and even quirkiness.
Culture can have a big impact on your experience with Boundaries. I’ve seen in many different cultures including in South Asian counseling, that culture can greatly impact our experiences of what boundaries mean.
Culturally speaking boundaries can be seen as disrespectful, undesirable, a rejection and even failure to meet established expectations.
However, I have also seen that boundaries can be graceful, empowering, healing and create more intimacy and trust in relationships.
When you have boundaries it invites others to have boundaries and show you more of who they are and what they need from you.
We teach others how to treat us and allow them to teach us what their boundaries are. As adults, we are responsible to take care of ourselves. This does not mean neglecting family members or loved ones but it does mean including ourselves in the care and respect we so easily offer others.
I invite you to connect with us individually or to consider joining our Boundaries class to learn more about this incredible skill that can bring enrichment to your relationships.
Farah Kurji (BSW, MSW, RCSW, YTT, EMDR CIT) is an advanced trained clinician specializing in trauma, loss, anxiety, and depression. She includes EMDR & CBT amongst her treatment modalities. Farah also provides clinical consultations and debriefing.
She enjoys helping others to be their authentic selves and to have healthy and empowering relationships! You can book with her or her team HERE.